Why Writers Need to Develop A Thicker Skin

So here’s a thought -  it's not all about you.

I don’t care much for this overused saying but have to grudgingly acknowledge it’s true – I am not the axis around which the universe turns. And neither are you.

Which is one of the very best reasons writers will do themselves a favour by consciously developing a thicker skin.

I know very well that when you’re constantly putting yourself out there creatively it’s impossible not to be sensitive to the opinions of others. But imagine what could happen if you developed a thicker skin? If you just cared less about the opinions of others. 

How fearless and productive you might become, and how it might positively influence what you put out into the world.

But my favourite reason is that by letting others get to you, we stop working freely and start operating out of fear and doubt.   We start working in a cautious way that represses our unique creativity and hinders forward momentum.  Not to mention robs the world of our very best contributions.   

We just don’t have time for that bollock - we’re too busy following our writing dream and setting awesome goals.

When we have a thicker skin we stop seeing everything in the world as judgement.

We accept that some people will connect to our work and others won’t.  We put our energy into creating good work instead of wasting emotional energy on those who don’t connect with it.

We stop linking our self-worth as writers to the opinion of others.   And we stop allowing the success of other writers to diminish the value of what WE have to offer.

We get excited by our ability to convey all the parts of who we are.  And start respecting the fact that no one else has will write this story the way we will.

So here are 9 Ways to help you develop a thicker skin – from Psychology Today.

• Don't take things personally. Sometimes you may need to reframe a person's bad behavior by remembering that it's not about you.

• Don't let others get to you. Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others. Adopt strategies that regulate emotional arousal; otherwise, negativity hijacks the thinking brain. Try simple deep breathing or declare time out.

• Remember that everyone gets rejected sometimes. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Don't be discouraged if it takes a few times to get it right. Successful people are rejected over and over, but never stop trying.

• Don't hesitate to unstick sticky situations. If you're discussing an issue and the conversation is going off track, stop it and restart it on the right track. You could say: "This isn't going productively. Let's reshoot this scene from the beginning" or "Can we take it from the top?"

• Don't be self-focused. If you do focus on yourself, you'll likely dwell on your shortcomings. Instead, think about your goals and what steps you need to get there.

• Stop the self-talk. Counter self-defeating self-talk with truth talk: "You can be your own worst enemy, so give yourself a break."

• Don't worry about looking stupid. If you’re asked a question and don't know the answer, you can simply say, "I need to think about that and get back to you later."

• Don't be quick to blame. Recognize that other people have their ups and downs.

• Think about others. Enter social interactions with this thought of making the experience itself enjoyable. Ask yourself, "What can I do to make you feel more comfortable."

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